Drunk Jokes (translated from brazilian portuguese)

The drunk, at the bus stop, looks to a woman and says:
- You are ugly, uhn?
The woman doesn't say nothing. And the drunk insists:
- Wow, how you are so ugly!
The woman pretend to not hear. And the drunk again:
- You are too ugly!
The woman doesn't support and cry out:
- And you are a drunk!
- I am, but tomorrow I won't be. And you?...

The drunk took the bus. Tottering, he says to the collector:
- If my father and my mother were cats, I would be a kit!
And he continues:
- If my father and my mother were dogs, I would be a puppy!
And more:
- If my father was a bull and my mother a cow, I would be a little calfskin!
Furious,  the bus collector asks :
- And if your father was a gay and your mother was a bitch?
- So, I would be a bus collector!

In the bus, the drunk cries out:
- From this chair to front everybody is cuckold! And from here to back everybody is gay!
When listening it, some of the passengers stand up, swearing the drunk and trying to knock him.
To avoid a turmoil, the driver brusquely brakes the bus and everybody fall. A furious passenger catches the drunk on the collar and shout:
- And now, you shameless? Who is cuckold and who is gay?
- Now I don't know. He mixed everything!

The drunk take off the bus and entered in a bar-room. Then he asks:
- Ten Cachaça's cups for me!
The  waiter gave ten cups for the drunk, and he drank all them.
- Five Cachaças now!
The waiter gave the cachaças. The drunk:
- Now only three more, yeah?
He drank the three cachaças just with a sip, making a typical drunk face and asked:
- nnnnoooow! jjjjuussst oooone mooore!
The drunk drank this, tottered and concluded:
- I doonnn't unndderssstannd... The mooore I driink, the mooore I'mmm giiiiddy!

The drunk left the bar-room and 
went tottering to his house. He opened the door and went running to the bathroom. He opened the bathroom door. After some seconds he ran very scared to the bedroom and waked up his wife:
- O woman... This house is haunted... I opened the door of the bathroom and the light lit itself. Then, I closed the door and the light turned off.
Furious, the woman cries out:
- Son of a bitch!!! You pissed in the refrigerator again!